The Highs and the Lows

The last few weeks have been a wave of both highs and lows in the family. We found out that my father has lung cancer – the consultant confirmed the diagnosis and also mentioned that it’s a single tumour, wholly contained within the lung and is, therefore, treatable. Not only that but it appears that the symptom that took him to the doctor’s and got him an x-ray and MRI is something entirely unrelated! Sometimes fate smiles down on us and makes us think there is no such thing as coincidence. But keep fingers crossed and prayers said for him (depending on religion or secular leanings) in the near future as we find out what the next step is. The high was my brother and his girlfriend had their number two boy yesterday – sharing a grandmother’s birthday! This adds another family birthday to the long list in June – there must be something in the water. And then my parent’s dog, the old thing she is, had a stroke – fortunately, despite her age, she is living up to that adage that ‘there is life in the old dog yet’ and she’s still as daft as anything.

But this leads me to this song. It’s a song that means more to me as each year passes and falls into that category of stopping me in my tracks. Today’s tune is Time Stands Still by the Canadian trio Rush from their album Hold Your Fire in 1987.

That axiom that as you get old time seems to speed up is turning out to be true. I turned 41 a couple of weeks ago and, to be honest, I don’t feel like that. I don’t feel responsible enough to be doing what I do, having my own children to deal with and ensure they are on the right track, to own a home, vehicles and dogs. What happened to the last 35 years since I left school? How many people have come and gone from my life without me appreciating them? What experiences have I discounted as nothing out of the ordinary and I’ve not savoured properly? We don’t even seem to have the time in our lives to enjoy all the things we have. Something is always pushing us on to the next job, next situation and we rush forwards powerless to stop it.

To me this song very simply and succinctly says how I feel and what I want.

‘I’m not looking back, but I want to look around me now, See more of the people and the places that surround me now’

I don’t always want to look back at the past and I do want to go forwards through life but I want the time to enjoy the moments when they come. There are friends that I want to meet, places I want to go. When these times do come I stop and close my eyes like a camera shutter, trying to capture that image, and use my other senses to take in the memory, to savour it there and then and record it to memory. For me these are often simple times and situations.

A few Sunday’s ago we took the kids swimming. Usually this has been a fraught affair with Captain Chaos yelling her head off and the resulting stress being passed around. But this Sunday was different. It was a beautiful day, hot and clear. The light was streaming in through the large windows illuminating the water in the pool, the water was warm and Captain Chaos very quickly calmed down and actually began to have fun and enjoy herself. For an hour it was stress free. No one had to be told off for misbehaving or because we were getting stressed out, everyone had fun and that sight of the five of us relaxed and enjoying that moment is something I wish I could have held a little longer. I think we miss too many of these moments.

The final verse of the song always hits me with it’s simple truth:

‘Summer’s going fast, night’s growing colder
Children growing up, old friends getting older,
Freeze this moment a little bit longer,
Make each impression a little bit stronger.
Experience slips away, experience slips away...
The innocence slips away’

I must add that I wrote this a week ago but have been so busy and tied up with other things that I’ve not managed to post it. I’ll have to throw a thanks out to Melissa’s latest post (http://deleeze.blogspot.com/) about reaching ages for reminding me this was still sat as a draft.



I turn my back to the wind
To catch my breath
Before I start off again.
Driven on without a moment to spend
To pass an evening with a drink and a friend


I let my skin get too thin
I'd like to pause
No matter what I pretend
Like some pilgrim
Who learns to transcend
Learns to live as if each step was the end


(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now


Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each sensation a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away


I turn my face to the sun
Close my eyes
Let my defences down
All those wounds that I can't get unwound
I let my past go too fast
No time to pause
If I could slow it all down
Like some captain, whose ship runs aground
I can wait until the tide comes around


(Time stand still)
I'm not looking back
But I want to look around me now
(Time stand still)


See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each impression a little bit stronger
Freeze this motion a little bit longer
The innocence slips away
The innocence slips away...


Summer's going fast, nights growing colder
Children growing up, old friends growing older
Freeze this moment a little bit longer
Make each impression a little bit stronger
Experience slips away
Experience slips away...
The innocence slips away