The week is here, the excitement is building, the checklist is growing. On Thursday we head south to Knebworth for our first rock festival with the kids. Yep, you read it right, with the kids. Originally we were only taking the eldest and the boy. However, after seeing several of Captain Chaos' escape attempts we decided that after several days of being at my folks she'd probably try to escape. So the feeling that having her close at hand with 4 pairs of eyes to watch her is going to minimise the bids for freedom.
So what's the event? We're going to the Sonisphere festival. Three days and more rock bands than you can shake a stick at finishing with the big draw for me. Iron Maiden. I've lost count of the number of I've seen them but never, ever been disappointed by them. On top of that there is a whole host of bands that I'm looking forward to seeing. The German industrial metalists Rammstein who I believe put on an amazing show, Alice Cooper, Iggy and The Stooges, Anthrax and Slayer. The list goes on and on.
I'm pretty sure that by the time we get home on Monday we'll all be shattered and totally rocked out. I shall no doubt comment here and post a few photographs of the event.
I've been absent from my blog for two weeks now and really should get into the habit of writing more frequently. But this week we got the news we didn't want to hear about my Dad and his cancer. Contrary to earlier reports it has spread and is attacking other areas. Timetables for with and without treatment have been given and the calendar suddenly becomes less of a friend that points to happy occassions.
Again I've seen tremendous strength in our family, especially in Dad. He's decided already that he's going for treatment so there is a spark of fight in there that's not been extinguished with this diagnosis and he knows that whatever happens here on in he has (and has always had) the love, strength and support of us all. He also knows that he's not going to be let out of his grandfatherly duties let alone receive anything less than the usual level of torment that he attracts from us.
We all have our ways of coping when someone puts a "timetable" on you, or gives you the "odds of success". It's something that we have faced several times already with Captain Chaos. Life is a fragile thing at the best of times - all that seperates physical life from death is a breath. To me this means that we need to deal with each day as it comes to us. We need make plans for the future, and it's right to make plans for the future, but we do also need to live in the here and now. Today is today, when tomorrow gets here then I'll deal with that then. But I'm starting to ramble a little now!
What I'm simply trying to say is "Dad, as you fight this we are here as a family to help you, to support you and be with you. We love you and cherish you...and don't forget to send me that £20 note for saying that :)"
And in addition to this - being a Friday I've just heard a song that is about as appropriate as I can get...
Why put it off another day?
One by one, little problems
Build up, and stand in our way. Oh
One step ahead, one step behind it
Now ya gotta run to get even
Make future plans I'll dream about yesterday, hey!
Come on turn, turn this thing around
(Right now) Hey! It's your tomorrow
(Right now) Come on, it's everything
(Right now) Catch your magic moment
Do it right here and now
It means everything
Miss a beat, you lose a rhythm
And nothin' falls into place. No!
Only missed by a fraction
Slipped a little off your pace. Oh!
The more things you get, the more you want
Just trade in one for another
Workin' so hard to make it easy
Whoa, got to turn. Come on, turn this thing around
(Right now) Hey, it's your tomorrow
(Right now) Come on, it's everything
(Right now) catch that magic moment
Do it right here and now
It means everything
Said a lie to me
Right now
What are ya waitin' for? Oh! Yeah!
Right now
(Right now) Hey! It's your tomorrow
(Right now) Come on, it's everything
(Right now) Catch that magic moment
And do it right, right now (Right now)
Oh, right now!
It's what's happening
Right here and now
Right now, it's right now
Oh! Tell me, what are ya waitin' for?
Turn this thing around
The last few weeks have been a wave of both highs and lows in the family. We found out that my father has lung cancer – the consultant confirmed the diagnosis and also mentioned that it’s a single tumour, wholly contained within the lung and is, therefore, treatable. Not only that but it appears that the symptom that took him to the doctor’s and got him an x-ray and MRI is something entirely unrelated! Sometimes fate smiles down on us and makes us think there is no such thing as coincidence. But keep fingers crossed and prayers said for him (depending on religion or secular leanings) in the near future as we find out what the next step is. The high was my brother and his girlfriend had their number two boy yesterday – sharing a grandmother’s birthday! This adds another family birthday to the long list in June – there must be something in the water. And then my parent’s dog, the old thing she is, had a stroke – fortunately, despite her age, she is living up to that adage that ‘there is life in the old dog yet’ and she’s still as daft as anything.
But this leads me to this song. It’s a song that means more to me as each year passes and falls into that category of stopping me in my tracks. Today’s tune is Time Stands Still by the Canadian trio Rush from their album Hold Your Fire in 1987.
That axiom that as you get old time seems to speed up is turning out to be true. I turned 41 a couple of weeks ago and, to be honest, I don’t feel like that. I don’t feel responsible enough to be doing what I do, having my own children to deal with and ensure they are on the right track, to own a home, vehicles and dogs. What happened to the last 35 years since I left school? How many people have come and gone from my life without me appreciating them? What experiences have I discounted as nothing out of the ordinary and I’ve not savoured properly? We don’t even seem to have the time in our lives to enjoy all the things we have. Something is always pushing us on to the next job, next situation and we rush forwards powerless to stop it.
To me this song very simply and succinctly says how I feel and what I want.
‘I’m not looking back, but I want to look around me now, See more of the people and the places that surround me now’
I don’t always want to look back at the past and I do want to go forwards through life but I want the time to enjoy the moments when they come. There are friends that I want to meet, places I want to go. When these times do come I stop and close my eyes like a camera shutter, trying to capture that image, and use my other senses to take in the memory, to savour it there and then and record it to memory. For me these are often simple times and situations.
A few Sunday’s ago we took the kids swimming. Usually this has been a fraught affair with Captain Chaos yelling her head off and the resulting stress being passed around. But this Sunday was different. It was a beautiful day, hot and clear. The light was streaming in through the large windows illuminating the water in the pool, the water was warm and Captain Chaos very quickly calmed down and actually began to have fun and enjoy herself. For an hour it was stress free. No one had to be told off for misbehaving or because we were getting stressed out, everyone had fun and that sight of the five of us relaxed and enjoying that moment is something I wish I could have held a little longer. I think we miss too many of these moments.
The final verse of the song always hits me with it’s simple truth:
‘Summer’s going fast, night’s growing colder Children growing up, old friends getting older, Freeze this moment a little bit longer, Make each impression a little bit stronger. Experience slips away, experience slips away... The innocence slips away’
I must add that I wrote this a week ago but have been so busy and tied up with other things that I’ve not managed to post it. I’ll have to throw a thanks out to Melissa’s latest post (http://deleeze.blogspot.com/) about reaching ages for reminding me this was still sat as a draft.
I turn my back to the wind To catch my breath Before I start off again. Driven on without a moment to spend To pass an evening with a drink and a friend
I let my skin get too thin I'd like to pause No matter what I pretend Like some pilgrim Who learns to transcend Learns to live as if each step was the end
(Time stand still) I'm not looking back But I want to look around me now (Time stand still) See more of the people and the places that surround me now
Freeze this moment a little bit longer Make each sensation a little bit stronger Experience slips away Experience slips away
I turn my face to the sun Close my eyes Let my defences down All those wounds that I can't get unwound I let my past go too fast No time to pause If I could slow it all down Like some captain, whose ship runs aground I can wait until the tide comes around
(Time stand still) I'm not looking back But I want to look around me now (Time stand still)
See more of the people and the places that surround me now Freeze this moment a little bit longer Make each impression a little bit stronger Freeze this motion a little bit longer The innocence slips away The innocence slips away...
Summer's going fast, nights growing colder Children growing up, old friends growing older Freeze this moment a little bit longer Make each impression a little bit stronger Experience slips away Experience slips away... The innocence slips away
Well - I trained to cook, spent 10 years in the Foreign & Commonwealth Office in that big city of London before returning home to count spuds - via some programming.
